July 28, 1945
Act 1. Scene 1. Page 1
Place: Our lavish 1 1/2 room apartment overlooking Milwaukee Ave. at Paulina St.
Time: Some evening after the war.
I come struggling up the fourth flight of stairs after a hard day at the salt mines. I am weary and hungry. I fumble with the keys and finally get the door open. I enter:
Me: Hiya Petunia!
You: Did you remember to bring the bottle?
Me: Righto (extracting a bottle from my warm pocket)
You: Wanta drink?
Me: Roger!
You: Here's dirt in your ears!
Me: Hmmph!
Me: What's for supper?
You: Go take a look.
I extend my right arm, open a curtain and look on the sterno stove. There are three pots steaming away. I remove all three lids and look. A horrible expression comes to my face. In order, the pots contain cod fish stew, boiled carrots, and potato soup. I shudder!
Me: Darling!
You: What?
Me: Didn't I tell you never to have cod fish stew, boiled carrots and potato soup?
You: Is that what it was that you didn't like?
Me: Yes!
You: Oh!
Me: This of course, is it!
You: Have mercy!
Me: Fiddle Faddle!
I pick up a handy skillet and start beating out back beat boogie.
You: EEEK!
Me: Hmmph!
You flitter gracefully to the floor singing "don't bash me in" . Your eyelids flicker then all is quiet.
End of Act 1
Act 2 Same Scene
Me: (thinking aloud) Hmmm, I suppose I should tell her father. He's always interested in our latest gags. I walk through blood to the telephone and look around for a lead nickel, find one and dial the number.
Me: Hello!
CM: Hello!
Me: Ahoy CM, this is RJ
CM: RJ?
Me: Yes, the one with your daughter.
CM: Oh that one.
Me: I have news!
CM: Say, you ought to see my latest gadget.
Me: Oh!
CM: this one's the best yet.
Me: Oh!
CM: A radio controlled radio
Me: Astounding CM, However do you think them up
CM: (bashfully) Oh I don't know I guess it's a knack.
Me: you're quite the kid CM!
CM: Purr Purr Purr
Me: Oh yes, I called to tell you of the latest news.
CM: What would that be?
Me: This might strike you as being quaint!
CM: Nonsense I b een married too long.
Me: It's about Shirl
CM: What ho!
Me: At 5:37 pm I massaged her head 63 times with an 8 inch skillet.
CM: 63 times?
Me: Yep.
CM: 8 inch skillet
Me: Roger
CM: Anything break?
Me: Her head.
CM: Messy?
Me: Rather
CM: Tchach
Me: Quite!
CM: I just figured it out if you had used a ten inch skillet you would have only hit her 37 times to acquire the same purpose.
Me: I was rather in a hurry.
CM: That's the trouble with you young people, always rushing. If you had figured it out you could have saved 26 blows.
Me: I'm sorry.
CM: Oh well, you'll learn.
Me: I hope so.
CM: By the way, I hope you know that this breaks us up socially.
Me: I was afraid you'd take it this way.
CM: Well, afterall, what would people say?
Me: I understand. By the way how's Adleine?
CM: Ugh!
Me: Oh!
CM: Anything else news?
Me: Not that I can think of.
CM: I guess things are dull all over.
Me: It seems that way.
CM: It's about time for my singing lessons so if you don't mind --
Me: Oh yes, Of course.
CM: Goodbye Old Son.
Me: Farewell!
CM: Bon Jour!
Me: Au Revoir!
CM: Toodle OO!
Me: So long!
CM: Adios!
I hang up the phone and look disturbed.
End of act 2